A Personal Post

Hello, friends. As you all know, I’ve had a lot going on recently. This is just a post to get my feelings out. Blogging has started to become a really great outlet for me. I love writing. So much. I just feel so much better after I can put in words and completely convey the way I’m feeling. That’s what this post is going to be. Buckle up. Here we go.

My Mom

Okay, so my mom is doing great. I’m not sure where I last left off with you guys, but they weaned her off of the sedation and hen the ventilator and she spent a little while in the hospital and eventually she was well enough to go home. The only lasting damage is her memory. She remembers a lot, but not also doesn’t remember a lot. She’s remembering slowly but surely. For instance she forgot Nicks name the other day. But I’m happy with where she is overall.

Pregnancy

There has been a lot of back and forth and stress surrounding my Surrogacy journey since the chemical pregnancy back in December, but I think we are going to move forward. I’ll be doing a test called an ERA here soon then I’ll cycle and do a double embryo transfer with added meds like blood thinners and antibiotics just as a precaution because they couldn’t hurt. With all of that out of the way, I’m sad that I’m not pregnant, you guys. I see pregnant women everywhere. I dream that I’m pregnant. Everything just reminds me of it and my heart breaks every time I realize that I’m not pregnant. I want to be pregnant for these IPs. I enjoy being pregnant. Idk how to explain it. Like this journey is an uphill battle to get pregnant and maintain the pregnancy and all those things I mentioned just remind me that I’m losing this battle right now. I’m trying so hard. I want this so bad. It just sucks seeing people posting about their due dates when you’re trying with everything in you to get pregnant and you’re just not pregnant yet. Surrogacy is a big part of my life. It’s made me a better person. I’m thankful for what I have and what I’ve been given. Hopefully we will transfer again and this will be our lucky charm. Pray for us you guys.

Nick

I’m sure you guys are tired of hearing about Nick but I just want to explain how much I count on him. He is so sweet to me. He knows I want to be pregnant and he tries to protect me from any hurt feelings. He doesn’t bring up things that he knows will trigger me. He tries to make me happy. He’s my sunshine on my darkest days. I am trying to find the right words to convey the passion I have for this subject. He is just so good to me. I’m so thankful. He’s there to calm me down when I’m freaking out. He is just the best part of me. He makes me better. I feel like I come alive when I see him. He’s home to me. I know I’m safe and loved and I’m comfortable and happy. I really honestly believe God made him for me.

That’s all for today guys. I’m sorry this was a boring, emotional post, but I needed to get that out. And honestly, there may be another one of these coming soon.