With My Whole Heart For My Whole Life

Hello, everyone. I’m not really back from my break yet, I’m still dealing with some stuff, but I wanted to take a minute to reflect. Specifically on Nick.

I always dreamt of a fairytale, once in a lifetime, Corey and Topanga kind of love. I would watch Disney movies when I was little and be captivated by the love story. I always wanted to fall in love. In real love that consumes you. Your every thought, your every breath. The kind of love that you can depend on, but their kiss sets your soul on fire. Like the first kiss in a Disney movie. Every. Single. Time.

Nick isn’t just my husband. He’s my confidant, my best friend, my partner in crime, my shoulder to cry on, my laugh when I don’t even want to smile. He’s my everything, you guys.

I have never in my life had anyone that had my back like he does. He really loves me. Truly and unconditionally. And I’ve never had that. He loves me so much that he does things just because he knows I care about them. For instance, he sat there by my side through every contraction of labor with my surro baby. He went to every appointment, he signed things and took of work and did every single thing asked of him. Just because I wanted to be a surrogate and he knew how much that meant to me. For the past 9 days he has sat with me in the bathroom at 6AM scrutinizing pregnancy tests, tilting them, squinting, trying to see a line that wasn’t there. Because he knows how bad I wanted it to be there.

He’s changed my life in so many ways. All for the better of course. He made me a mother. And a wife. He made my relationship with God strong again. He has believed in me like no one else has and gave me the confidence to strive for things I didn’t think I was capable of before. He never pushed me or made me do anything I didn’t want to. He just loved me. And made me a better person.

I can’t explain to you guys how much he means to me because there’s simply no words for the intense love I have for him. I have so much passion and feelings that it feels like I can physically feel the chaos of emotion inside of me. He saved my life. I’m so grateful for him. I always dreamt of a fairytale, once in a lifetime, Corey and Topanga kind of love. And now I’m living that dream.

Happy 5th anniversary, baby. I am even more crazy in love with you than I was 5 years ago at that courthouse. 💕💕💕💕

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Taking a small break

Hey guys,

I don’t want to just go MIA, so here I am. I’m going to take a small break. Things aren’t looking good from the transfer and I don’t think it worked. I’m stressed and upset. I hope you understand.

Cassi

Surrogacy Saturday

Hey, guys! Today’s installment of Surrogacy Saturday is going to be what NOT to say to a surrogate. I have had people say all kinds of things along my journey of being a surrogate. I really truly don’t mind answering questions. I love spreading knowledge and making surrogacy a less taboo subject, but there are some things that just cross the line. Let jump into it.

1. So how much money do they pay you for that?
I would think that this would be an obvious one. It’s common courtesy to not ask about someone’s finances. Yes, surrogates in the US do get compensation for carrying the baby. No it’s not a hundred thousand dollars or anywhere close to that. I’m not rich. You just saw me pull up in my 2012 Ford Focus. Shut up. It’s sad but this is usually the first thing to come out of people’s mouths. I usually answer with, “if you tell me your annual income, I’ll tell you mine.” This is just incredibly rude.

2. So you don’t want to keep it?
And/or “oh I bet that was hard.”, “oh I could never do that.” I understand that surrogacy isn’t for everyone. It takes a special person to help parents get to their baby. But this is frustrating because it’s often accompanied by a turned up nose and a look of almost disgust. Basically, they think I’m a heartless bitch. They think I got pregnant (possibly with my own baby) and just sent it off. Like in the mail or something. News flash, it’s not my baby. It never was my baby. I’m as much that child’s mother as you are. I’ve even been told I’m a bad mother and I’m selling my baby. This is my friends’ child. The people I grew so close to before during and after the pregnancy that I couldn’t imagine them not having her. She is their daughter and they are her dads. They always have been and always will be. And I would never change that.

3. So your husband is okay with you sleeping with another man?
I think this one is self explanatory. You’re stupid for thinking it happened that way and don’t ask about someone’s sex life either.

4. Where can I sign up?
I understand someone might be interested or captivated by the idea of surrogacy and think it would be amazing to be a surrogate. But surrogacy is a huge commitment. Not only for yourself but for your whole family. If you’re serious about being a surrogate then you need to do your research first. To be honest, I don’t believe women that just hear about surrogacy from me and automatically try to sign a contract are mature enough to be a surrogate. A lot goes into becoming and being a surrogate. If you’re mature enough to be a surrogate then I feel like you would have already thought of that and decided to do some extensive research before just jumping in.

5. Why don’t they just adopt?
Because everyone deserves to have a biological baby. Because maybe they already tried to adopt and it didn’t work out. Maybe that happened 3 or 4 times. Maybe they already have embryos frozen from when they cycled for IVF themselves. Maybe those rounds of IVF were successful but they miscarried or the baby was born sleeping. Maybe you just need to mind your own business.

That’s all I can think of for now. I’m sure I’ll come up with some more later and I’ll do another post if I do. I’m sorry I’m so mean in this post. Lol. This lupron has me crazy. I’m not in a bad mood or anything, but this medicine makes me easily irritated and thinking about these questions that I’ve been asked makes me a little heated. Lol. I hope you guys liked this. Thank you so much for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow!!

My Waiting To Take A Pregnancy Test Makeup Look

Hello, loves. I thought I would share what makeup look I did for work today. I’m anxiously waiting until Saturday to take a pregnancy test. This is what I’m doing to pass the time.

Brows:

  • ABH Dipbrow Pomade in Medium Brown
  • Ulta Clear Brow Gel

Face:

  • Tarte Shape Tape Concealer in Fair
  • RCMA No Color Powder
  • Too Faced Cocoa Contour Kit
  • Physicians Formula Butter Bronzer in Light
  • Tarte 12 Hour Amazonian Clay Blush in Paaarty
  • A gold highlight that I don’t know the name of because it’s in my z palette with no packaging

Eyes:

  • Tarte Shape Tape Concealer to prime
  • Wet N Wild single shadow in Creme Brûlée to set the Concealer
  • Frappe by Makeup Geek in the crease and on the lower lash line
  • L’Oréal Infallible eyeshadow in Amber Rush on the lids
  • Shimma Shimma by Makeup Geek in the brow bone and inner corner
  • KVD Tattoo Liner in Trooper for the top liner and wings
  • Urban Decay WaterLine in Legend for the water and tight lines
  • Cover Girl Lashblast Mascara

Lips:

  • Tarte Lip Paint in Birthday Suit

And that’s all I did for my makeup look today. I hope you guys liked it. Pray for me on tomorrow, y’all! That’s test day! I’ll see y’all tomorrow!

My Talk With God

Hello, lovelies. I know this isn’t my typical kind of post but I am just feeling extra emotional tonight and I wanted to let it out somewhere. So I chose here. I know not everyone is religious, and I respect that. Please do the same to me. I’m sure this is just the hormones talking but I wanted to share. This is my talk with God.

Dear God,

I know you have a plan and you already know if this transfer is going to work or not, but I’m so nervous! I want this so bad for these wonderful people. Please, God, please, let this work. We have worked so hard to get here. Please give us a miracle. Please let me see those two pink lines. Let me show them the two pink lines. Our hearts are heavy tonight, Lord, but I know your love will ease our load. I know that you know what we need. I just want so bad to help them. I want to be the vessel you use to get this precious gift to these parents. Please, make this happen, God. Ease this hurt. Help us mentally, spiritually, and physically. Reach down your healing and loving hands and touch this baby that is going to go into my womb on Tuesday. We need you, Lord. Use these doctors and medicines and everything to show us the miracle of life that only you can give. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving us and always being there for us. In your name I pray. Amen.

10 High End Makeup Products That Are Worth the Slurge

Hello, doll faces. I saw someone post recently on Facebook asking what are the top high end products that you would recommend. And I thought it might be fun to share my thoughts with you guys.

1. Tarte Shape Tape Concealer

This is the concealer of the decade. It is so full coverage without being cake face city. It covers perfectly, but still looks like skin. I love the consistency and the smell. Definitely worth the $30. I’m almost out and I’ll be repurchasing!

2. Huda Beauty Textured Shadows Palette Rose Gold Edition

I’m sure all of you saw this coming. This is my favorite palette. The shadows are so high quality. They’re soft and pigmented and blend like a freakin dream. There are so many looks you can create with this. I always get compliments when I use this palette. Worth every cent of the $65!

3. Beauty Blender

It’s also no secret that I’m a die hard Beauty Blender girl. I just love the comfort of this product over any other that I’ve tried to apply cream products. I just can’t find anything else that gives the convenience and finish that the beauty blender does. Love it. I’ve paid $20 for this time and time again, and will continue to do so!

4. Champagne Pop by Becca Cosmetics

This is my personal favorite of the Shimmering Skin Perfectors from Becca. I have only ever owned Opal and Champagne Pop, but I’ve had my eye on Moonstone for a while. Champagne Pop is hands down, my favorite. This stunning highlight totals in at $38.

5. The Swamp Queen Palette

This is the Tarte x Grav3yardgirl collaboration. It was a limited edition palette, so unfortunately it isn’t available from Tarte anymore, but when it was, it retailed for $45. It has basically a whole face of makeup in here. I love the quality and I’ve traveled with it multiple times. I love it.

6. Morphe 35O Palette

I adore this palette. It’s full of warm shades that I’m a sucker for. There’s so many options and different creations within this palette. The quality is great for the price and I really couldn’t ask for more from a $22 palette. I love it.

7. Too Faced Cocoa Contour Kit

Although I don’t support TF as a brand, I have to admit I love this Contour Kit. It has contouring shades for all skin tones and even some highlighting shades. I use this every time I do my makeup. I believe it was $65, but don’t quote me on that. It was actually my first Sephora purchase. 💕

8. Urban Decay 24/7 Waterline in Legend

Okay, so I love this in my water and tight lines. It stays all day, unlike any other liner I’ve ever tried. (Other than the MUFE Aqua XL Liner. I interchange the UD and MUFE ones.) This liner retails for $20 and I have repurchased it at least 3 times.

9. KVD Tattoo Liner in Trooper

While I love the Physicians Formula Eye Booster Liner, I think I love this one just a little bit more. It’s ever so slightly easier to work with and apply, and it stays on a little longer. But, the PF one is easier to fix mistakes with. So you kind of have to pick your poison. I believe this retails for $22.

10. A High End Lash Curler

No mascara in the world can make you look good without a nice lash curler. I have had a traumatic experience with a lash curler from the drug store and I had to cut my lashes out of it. Yes. Cut. So do yourselves a favor and just spend a little extra to buy a curler like this Tarte one I got for $18 with a travel sized mascara. They last longer and they’re safer in my opinion.

And that’s the top 10 products I believe to be worth the spurge. I know some of them aren’t as expensive as others, but I love them all. What are you top 10 that are worth the splurge? I’d love to get recommendations! Thank you guys so much for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow!

How I Did My Makeup In Highschool- Collab with JadeMayhead!!

Hey, pretties! I have another great collab post for you today. This collab is with none other than the amazing Jade Mayhead! She has a fantastic beauty blog with a little lifestyle sprinkled in there. She has amazing makeup posts! She’s actually doing a 100 days of makeup challenge right now. That’s amazing seeing how creative she is! She also does fun award and tag posts like myself, some how to posts, some month reviews, and other posts like that. She is so sweet and always commenting and liking my posts. So do yourself a favor and go follow this gem!

Jade and I thought it would be fun to recreate our everyday makeup look from highschool. I didn’t have all of the exact products but I did my best to recreate the look. Warning: this makeup is SO bad. It makes my cringe and I’m embarrassed putting it on the internet. But here it goes:

Face:

I never moisturized in highschool., so I didn’t today. I kind of cheated because I applied the foundation and it was literally just ballin up with my dead, dry skin and falling off, so I sprayed my face very generously with some Mario Badescu Facial Spray. So I think the foundation I used was called Covergirl Clean and Clear Skin. It was supposed to be healthier for your skin or whatever. I didn’t have that so I substituted Covergirl Ready, Set, Gorgeous foundation. I used a shade or two darker than I should have, just like I did in highschool. I used my finger to apply because I didn’t have the triangle beauty sponges, which I sometimes used in highschool, when I didn’t use a sponge, I used my fingers. I made sure to not blend the foundation in completely, leaving noticeable demarcation lines on my jawline, around my ears and at my hairline. There was also the lovely streak marks from my fingers. And that’s all for the face. I took some Concealer (I think I used it back then) I applied it and “blended” it with my fingers to all of my blemishes. Making sure not to put it under my eyes, where my dark circles are. No blush, no bronzer, no Powder of any sort.

Eyes:

I used to use the Almay trio for brown eyes. It came with a lid, crease, and brow bone color. I used the sponge in the product to apply. I didn’t have that today so I used my fingers to apply the following products: Cakewalkfrom the CP Birthday Bag as the lid shade. The color I used to use wasn’t duochrome but it was this shade of Lavender and really shimmery. I used Mancat from the Tarte x Grav3yardgirl palette with Wham Bam from the Too Faced x NikkieTutorials palette over top in the crease. I applied these shades using a q tip to get that really precise, non blended look. I used some Haunting from the Tarte x Grav3yardgirl palette with a little Shimma Shimma by MUG on top of that for the brow bone shade. Next I applied liner. I actually have the same kind of liner I used back in highschool. It was also from the Almay brown eyes collection. It’s a pencil liner in amethyst I believe. I tugged on the outer corner of my eye a little bit to be able to apply a thick, dark line on my lower lash line. I curled my lashes and applied mascara. I used to use the Almay mascara that was in the brown eyes collection with the shadow and liner I used, but I don’t have that so I just used L’Oréal Lash Paradise.

And that was how I did my makeup in highschool. I did all of this in the car when my dad was driving me to school. This makes me cringe so hard for a number of reasons. First being that I’ve always had very dry skin. When I was a teenager I had cystic acne (IVF hormones bring it out in me now. Ugh.) when I put the Concealer on the blemishes with no moisturizer it just clung to them in the most unflattering of ways. Then the eyes. Oh the eyes. The lid color is too light for my skin tone. It washes me out. I’ve always been this pale. Dear Lord, blend the damn crease!!!! Oh and that’s obviously not how a crease color is supposed to be applied. And the brow bone color isn’t supposed to go from the crease to the brow. And I didn’t highlight the inner corner. So shadow as a whole is horrendous. Next is the liner. It’s too dark, too abrupt, and not flattering at all. When you apply any kind of pencil liner on the lower lash line, you need to blend it. Otherwise it looks too abrupt and heavy and it’ll drag your eye down, making you look like you have smaller, half closed, tired eyes. I like the color of the liner, but I would use it a different way. I always left the waterline blank in highschool. I never do that now. And for mascara, I have always curled my lashes, but I didn’t used to warm up my lash curler, now I always do. That just gives the lash a little more curl and holding power. So in these photos, my lashes look so sad. I didn’t include brows in this look because I never did anything with my brows, except pluck them. I never put anything on my lips either.

So that’s it guys. I had fun taking a trip down memory lane with you. I hope you guys enjoyed it too. I’m sorry this makeup was so cringe worthy and horrible, but that’s really what I used to do. I do want to say thank you to Jade for collabing with me. It was a blast! Everyone please be sure to go check her out! Thank you all so much for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow!

3 Makeup Trends- Collab with Brooke Clarke!!

Hello, darlings. Today I am collabing with the one and only Brooke Clarke! Everyone please go check her out if you haven’t already. She has an amazing beauty and lifestyle blog. She’s so active in he blogging community and she’s sweet as pie. She produces so much top notch content, I don’t know how she does it! She is seriously amazing. Thank you for collabing with me again, Brooke. You’re the best!

For our collab, Brooke had the idea of doing makeup trends. So we decided to come up with 3 each. I went to Instagram and looked at what makeup trends I saw on there. I’ve noticed that “less is more” is the case in most trends. That paired with what I see a lot in everyday life, I chose these three trends.

1. Glitter

Glitter is a part of everyone’s makeup collection these days. It’s a versatile product that can give any look some va-voom. You can use it over shadows, as shadow by itself, as liner, paired with liner, highlighting, anything. Today, I tried to pair some glitter with my liner. This is what I got. I didn’t go crazy with my shadow today because I didn’t want the look to be too busy. I’m going with the less is more theme today.

This is a photo from Michelle’s Instagram. She’s a very talented makeup artist. She was pairing glitter with her liner in this photo as well, but she’s obviously way more talented and adventurous than I am.

2. Shadow Liner

Shadow Liner is using the eyeshadow you’re wearing to create a wing. I’ve done this a lot recently, although I always use liner as well. Some people use solely eyeshadow to create a faux winged liner. I’ve seen this a lot in the beauty community on YouTube recently. This also follows the less is more theme, because you’re using less product. I obviously always am so extra when it comes to my makeup, so I do the shadow wing and traditional black winged liner as well.

Here’s another photo from Michelle. You can see how she used her shadow to create the shape and almost al illusion of a wing.

3. Glossy Lips

Last year was all about the matte lip, well this year is all about the glossy, high shine lip. I’ve been seeing this everywhere. Especially with all the lip toppers being released. This is obviously go with the less is more idea, because the look of gloss isn’t as bold or as much product as what the trends have been before, with matte lips and what not.

And those are the 3 makeup options I’ve noticed are trending recently. I hope you all liked this post. Thank you again for collabing with me, Brooke! Everyone make sure you check out her blog. Thank you all so much for reading and I’ll see you tomorrow.

3 Makeup Hacks- Guest Post From Brooke Clarke!!

Hey everyone!

My names Brooke, and I run a blog over at brookeclarke.com! Yes, I know… I’m not Cassi (apologies!), but she gave me the great honour of being able to write a guest post for her today! If you still want to get all your Cassi-goodness, head over to my blog to see her amazing post that she has written, where she tries out 3 different hacks!

Now, you’ve most likely seen many different beauty hacks on Pinterest by now, but do they actually work?

Powder BEFORE Foundation?!

I’ve heard this hack going around a lot. I have super oily skin, so the thought of adding more powder doesn’t worry me in the slightest. I believe this hack was created by Wayne Goss. The idea of putting loose powder UNDER your foundation is meant to create a flawless finish, with pores filled in by the powder, meaning that your foundation will look airbrushed.

This is how Wayne breaks all the steps down:

1 Prep the skin

2 Prime the skin

3 Powder the skin

4 Follow with Foundation

5 Follow with Powder

When I first started to apply my foundation (after powdering), I was expecting the foundation to gloop up and look uneven, but luckily, there were no signs of this, and it glided on! I did however notice a patch where the foundation wasn’t sticking as well, so this could either be from the powder or my lack of skills.

Despite the patchiness, I popped a selfie onto Instagram (no shame), and started getting comments on how nice my skin looked! I was over the moon!

6 hours later: Okay. I hate this. Not only am I ridiculously oily, but my base is now super patchy (doesn’t show too well), even after applying a primer and setting spray. Definitely not a pretty sight.

Flawless Eyeliner With The Help Of Tape!

The idea behind this is that you’re able to create a straight winged eyeliner since the tape will not only act as a guide line of where to draw, but also will minimise the bobbly-ness.

As you can see by the photos, I’m not too convinced. It may have just been the tape I was using, but surely if I use a sticker tape, my foundation is going to come off with it?! I think this would be good for those who do their eye makeup first, but not for those who do eyes last!

Baby Powder On Eyelashes?!

Putting baby powder on before applying your mascara is meant to create thicker and longer eyelashes.

I applied the powder on a spoolie and brushes through my right eye, before layering on two coats of mascara.

Now, I personally can’t tell that much of a difference. I would say that my right eye is ever so slightly more thicker, but I don’t think I’ll be doing this everyday.

And there we have it! 3 makeup hacks tried and tested!

Have you tried these hacks out? What did you think of them?Again, a massive thank you to Cassi for letting me post on her blog! It’s such an honour! You all most likely already know this, but Cassi truly is such an amazing person!

Hope to see you guys soon!

Brooke x